After a moderately successful first term in the College of IT at Western Governors University, I hit a wall. HARD.

Term 2 was a disaster. It got to the point where just thinking about schoolwork made me anxious and upset. Then it happened. I FAILED.
I failed my first attempt at the CompTIA A+ certification. That was the nail in the coffin. I truly wanted to quit school and not give it a second thought.

But it seems thoughts are my specialty and I decided that I really needed to sit down and think about why I was struggling so hard. It seems so simple looking back now, but I entered this program without thinking of what drives ME, what fuels MY passion, what sparks joy for ME. It wasnt that I didnt want my degree. It wasnt that I wasnt smart enough to complete a degree in IT. My HEART wasnt in it. AT.ALL. So it was time to start asking some hard questions. What is it that brings me the most satisfaction? Helping others. And how do I help others in my daily life? Aside from helping students go back to school (which I love most days) Operation Valor. YES, Operation Valor brings me joy. Knowing that we are honoring the memories of our nations heroes, working with world class organizations that share the same vision, to honor, support, and empower our veterans, THAT is something that brings me a great deal of personal satisfaction. So, I thought about what I could do to improve my ability to share and promote an organization that means the world to me.

Decision made. That was the easy part. I had to appeal the decision by my school to withdraw me due to no academic progress. I had to go through the process of changing programs which included a two month term break. *turns out that break was very much needed for my mental well being* and now I am in my 1st term in the Bachelors of Science Business Administration Marketing program at WGU.

My term started April 1st, I didnt get access to my courses until April 2nd. Since that time I have completed 5 courses and am very close to completing my 6th with 2 more lined up waiting to start.

I dont anticipate that I will continue at this pace, but its a very good feeling now that I am in a program that will help me develop the skills I need to maximize the impact that Operation Valor can have. As of today there are 22 weeks left in my term and I am determined graduate well before this anticipated graduation date!

Dont be afraid to start over. Dont be afraid to let go of something that is causing you pain or anguish simply because youve invested time in it. Dont be afraid to fail. DO all of these things. Start over, let go, fail, then keep going.

I would love to hear about things youve let go of in your pursuit of happiness. How did you decide it was time? What did you do to make that change?

I cant believe its almost May. This year is flying by! Before you know it, itll be summer break and then poof, itll be Christmastime again!

Its been an absolute whirlwind since my last post in January. Weve had birthdays, a new administration, a crippling snowpocolypse in Texas, Operation Valor events, OCRs and weddings. Not to mention the daily excitement of in person learning, virtual learning for the kids, changing and starting a new degree myself, and trying to maintain a healthy work life balance while working from home. Its been kinda crazy but I wouldnt change it for anything.

I think about sitting here to share my thoughts so often, but something always seems to pull me in another direction. In fact, I started writing this post on Monday and its now Wednesday and past my bedtime and Ive completely forgotten what Id initially intended with this post!

Maybe thats just lifes way of keeping me on my toes, keep me searching my mind for what I want to share? So Ill share whats been on my mind today

April is a month of emotions for me. Its been nearly 2 years since we almost lost Sean. I thank God daily for giving him back to us. There are times when April and May 2019 seem so long ago, and then there are times when it seems like just yesterday. Seeing all of the memories pop up on Facebook and Timehop keep the memories fresh and remind me of just how fragile life is. It is also a reminder of how much love I have in my life. So many people took the time in the last few days to send messages and post comments, it warms my heart that after two years, THEY havent forgotten how hard those days and weeks were. My heart is so full knowing that we truly are loved by our friends and extended families. Yall helped me keep going then, and yall keep me going now. Thank you for loving us!

Hello 2021!

2020 was a year of change wasnt it?!

So many things happened that its hard to figure out where to start. Lots of life happened and eventually Ill get around to writing about all of it, but for now I need to focus on getting back to ME.

Shortly after the wedding in March, COVID hit and while it was (and still is) a scary thing, it gave me a gift Id been praying for for a really long time. It gave me the opportunity to work from home so I could be there for my family when they needed me.
Everyone in the house got COVID, workouts were long forgotten, eating habits deteriorated and I have since put on a lot of weight.

Excuses:

thats what they areEXCUSES

I stopped taking care of myself in the name of taking care of everything else and honestly, its bullshit and it needs to stop.
So were going back to basics.

Heres the plan:

Thats were we are. Pics and measurements will be updated Monday 1/11/21 and well go from there.

Please tell me Im not alone in the struggle to reclaim myself this year.
Drop a comment with something youre doing to improve yourself this year. I need the encouragement yall!

Much love,

Amanda

Well, hello there friends! Its been a hot minute since Ive posted something new, hasnt it?!

I started this blog a long while ago as a mechanism to hold myself accountable and it worked.when I was actively posting.
Theres been quite a lot going on and Ive really neglected this space, along with the accountability that came with it. As a result, Ive just sort of let things slide. My fitness is nowhere near where it used to be, Ive put on quite a bit of weight, and Ive just been winging it in so many areas.

Its time to get back into the swing of things, buckle down, dig in and do what I know I need to do. So armed with that knowledge, we are bringing back The Weekly Chase. This was NOT my original idea, in fact it came from another blogger whom I adore, Mindy Bobe who blogged at www.roadrunnergirl.com

The idea is to set intentional, weekly goals and check in on the progress of those goals. So here we go!!!

Seems simple enough, right?!  Well, lets see how we do this week and reassess on Sunday!

Tell me- what are YOURE goals this week? Lets use this space to hold each other accountable!

**WARNING-THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE**
If youre easily offended, please stop reading now

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I recently had another mind blowing epiphany when it comes to my personal fitness journey and it rocked my world!

When I started out on this path I committed to becoming a better me. Every day try to be a little bit better than I was yesterday. Level up my life. For a long time, I was quite successful, I quit smoking, I started eating better, I registered for and ran my first marathonand was up at the ass crack of dawn to get my run in. All was great in the world. 4 am was my happy place, it was my ME time.

And then, it wasnt.

Lots of life started happeningall at once.

Looking back over the last few years, lots of my goals included get up at 4 and run. Many, MANY mornings I just couldnt do it. Between stress, depression and exhaustion, I could barely get myself out of bed to get to work on time. Every morning that I didnt run added to my feelings of guilt and shame. I beat myself up constantly. I felt like a failure. Seeing morning motivational posts on social media created resentment toward myself. What is wrong with me? I must be LAZY? I am a FAILURE. Ill never accomplish my fitness goals because Im not motivated enough. My willpower must be lacking. Im broken. I was frustrated with myself and becoming increasingly frustrated with the world around me. I tried all the tricks to force myself to be a morning person and I failed miserably.

I was celebrating small successes in other areas of my life; I earned my Associate Degree, made the Presidents list, moved into a new apartment, but I was still struggling with my fitness and my feelings of self-worth. Every early morning workout missed deepened my self-loathing. I felt worthless. I started to seriously contemplate giving up on racing altogether. That thought broke my heart. Races gave me additional family, support, love and encouragement. I honestly felt like I was failing my running family too. I wasnt becoming better every day, I was drowning.

I didnt really talk about this with anyone. Im supposed to be the encourager, everyones cheerleader. Why couldnt I do the same for myself? I just let these feelings of inadequacy fester. It was a vicious cycle and I couldnt escape it. Every morning Id see this shit:

It was a deafening noise that perpetuated negativity and hatred toward what I couldnt force my body to do with any kind of consistency. The more of this I saw, the more I hated what I couldnt make myself do.

Until LAST WEEK.

YES, LAST FUCKING WEEK.

After literally YEARS of beating myself up for not fitting into this fit life box and this ideal of what fitness is SUPPOSED to look like, it hit me.

FUCK THE 4 AM CLUB!

Fuck this motivational bullshit that breeds feelings of inferiority and inadequacy if you dont conform to the InstaFit ideals.

Because you know what?!?!

NO, its not fucking easier to get up in the morningfor ME.

Mornings are NOT where I thrive.

Getting up at zero dark thirty is NOT my happy place anymore.

When something isnt working for you, stop trying to force it. Look at WHY it isnt working. Find the reason and fix THAT. Stop trying to fix YOU, youre not broken.

The moment I gave myself permission to tell the 4 am club in my head to fuck off, was the exact moment that my passion for running, my desire to run, my LOVE of running came flooding back into my soul. When I stopped making 4 am an unattainable goal and allowed myself to do what works best for me instead of what social media says works best, running became a JOY again.

I no longer feel behind on my training, I no longer feel like a failure. I no longer feel like a disappointment.

I did have a good laugh at myself thoughWHY did it take me so long to figure this out?!?!

Im now running in the afternoons after work and before I picked up the little one. And you know what? I love it again. I let all that negative shit go. I run the stress of the day away, I run to clear my head and ready myself for the evening. I run because I want to, not because Im supposed to and it feels AMAZING!

If youre one of those folks who pop out of bed every morning with a smile, ready to tackle the world, thats GREAT!

If you are a hardcore gym rat that thrives on the 4 am scene, thats AWESOME!

If getting your workout in while the rest of the world sleeps helps you conquer your day, thats FANTASTIC!

If you are one of those people, youre AMAZING! I applaud you and you should totally be proud of your dedication.

However,

If youre NOT one of those people

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If youve been struggling like I was, maybe its time for you to tell the 4 am club to fuck off too!Find what works for you and RUN with it

TAGS:Mommy Go Run 

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