raincoaster 49 degrees latitude, 360 degrees attitude!

Time 2020-10-12 19:03:28

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Yes, dear readers, I am still somewhat sickish and overslept again and missed the Big-Ass Briefing on Friday with both the Actual and the Deputy Prime Minister. I have failed you. I have failed you yet again. And yet, you return. Here is our video, a Big-Ass two hours long, and truly, ain t nobody got time for that normally, but what did I just say? You can fast-forward to the juicy bits if you like, because today we re adding the sophisticated technique of timestamping notable uh times. You ll see. 0.01 I m calling it Begins in English because although the first words were French, they were just basically, Howdy, y all and then he got right into the content in English, so English. Quebec, you may feel slighted if you are so inclined. And we all know never mind. As a technical Francophone, I m not going to finish that thought. Look at me, being so detail-oriented I put on my actual glasses. I don t do that for everyone, dear readers. Only for you. You and Rowsdower.Check your blue suit box, and, given that Rideau Cottage is off the table as a location, we don t get to tick that box. This boring briefing room with its fancy wood walls and its carefully arranged flags is It for the time being. Hey CPAC, do you think you might either hire someone to focus the video camera OR ease up on the Facetune? Not sure which is in play here, but c mon, I put my glasses on and the picture got FUZZIER. Second wave, there you go, mark that one off. And app as well. If we ve gotten this far and it s only 1:05, I wonder what happens the other 1 hour and 53 minutes of the briefing. We shall see, gentle readers, we shall see. At least so far we ve gotten Stern Teacher Voice and not CBC Cadence, as we often do in these indoor briefings. It s practically refreshing, I tell youze.And of course, mark your Deputy PM present square. These briefings have the fanciest extras. And Namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam as well. Dammit, I KNEW I should have been optimistic enough to add a square for Finds a new way to give Canadians money for these new business supports like the direct rent supports. Far better to give it to businesses than to landlords. I really want to interview the person who is in charge of making sure the flags are deployed just so. I m fascinated by things like that, that might be seen as small but have huge symbolic importance. For those who have NOT been following this blog since the year Dot, I actually did consider studying heraldry back when it was considered cutting edge social media. Yay, foodbanks! Did you know that a food bank can turn a dollar of donation into three to nine dollars of actual food for its clients? And here we have foreshadows later announcement by another person for additional supports. So much money going out to provinces, territories, businesses, and food banks, that one person can t give out all the news himself, it has to be delegated. #OnlyInCanadaThat was a split infinitive the most Canadian of all grammatical errors. Somewhere, William Shatner trembles momentarily. 11:00 And now we are on the the DPM. It just occurred to me that I will need to do new, more ecumenical briefing bingo cards in the future; the ones I have are all pretty Trudeau-specific. Ah well, in the Time of the Pandemic there s fuckall else to do. Yet MORE supports for businesses. I almost wish I d incorporated mine! And Freeland is giving you your Gesticulates square. Both PM and DPM have teacher voices, whereas Doug Ford always sounds like that guy at the Legion who always insists on being emcee, jovial and about 10% too loud and enthused.Freeland may understand more French than me, but now I don t feel so bad about my accent. French Canada does not have the time to pronounce each word separately: each sentence is more like one very long, annoying word. Given that I don t really have any applicable squares for Freeland, Tam, and the others (sorry, Others) we will skip ahead to the 53 minute mark, where the questions begin. Honestly, when the camera pulls back this looks like the world s most dignified and staid game show. I should really just make a bunch of Covid-and-political-talking-points-focused bingo cards, because lemme tell ya, pandering to the cult of personality has NOT been paying off in terms of going viral. Is this the year issues overtake clickbait? It s 2020, we can t rule anything out.And we get right into it with the question about the kidnapping plot, which Trudeau refuses to comment on, just reiterating that his role is to keep Canadians safe. How many times can one comfortably use the phrase Keep Canadians safe in one sentence? Because I think he s gone over by like, three. Ah, an excellent question about First Nations fishing rights. And your basic thoughts and prayers response. I like how none of the reporters physically present want to sit in the front row. Freeland looks like this question is absolutely straining her French, and she s diagramming out the sentences, but she got it and I did not. And seems pleased to be able to answer without asking a translator for pointers. Oh, and she gives you not only your gesticulates square, but your adjusts mic square, so for that we should all give thanks. Is anybody going to give us drinks water? I have a horrible suspicion that is all happening off-camera. Readers, we are being cheated by secret drinkers! But when was that not true of Canadian politics?Ah, there s your Maple Leaf Accessory square, you can see the usual mask sitting on the desk to the right of the Canada.ca/coronavirus sign, which, meh, doesn t rise to the level of podium dressing, so we cannot give you the Plain podium or desk dressed up with accessory square. That things s always there. An accessory in this sense would be, say, a vase of flowers, a jade statue of a lion with a maple leaf inside it, bunting, ridiculous, extraneous plaques, that sort of thing. I can be a hardass; I want this bingo to be a challenge!1:11 I don t know who that reporter is, but I like his voice. Wish I understood more than a third of what he s saying, but it is what it is. I definitely get that Trudeau s response includes Pushes responsibility to provinces .Reporters are asking questions to both PM and DPM as a team. They get that these two are the Butch and Sundance, the Newman and Woodward, the Electra Woman and Dyna Girl of current Canadian federal politics. Pierre Poillievre and Erin O Toole are, of course, the Laurel and Hardy. Maxime Bernier and Ezra Levant are the Burke and Hare. I m probably being metaphorical here, but who knows? It s 2020. Anything is possible (also, has anyone searched their basements? It s a fair question!).Interesting, the differences between the way Canada and the US are handling voting during the pandemic. Looks like we re going to avoid a federal election, but by-elections must continue. Nobody s trying to shut down the post office or show up armed at the voting place to discourage people exercising their civil rights and their civil responsibility. And I m gonna call that a wrap, except to note that as the briefing goes on, Freeland is radiating paper. Literally. As the briefing continues, more and more paper emerges from behind her little Protect your Neighbours sign, and is now covering the entire width of the desk. That would be a pretty good square for the fifth gen card. And looking at the level of water in her glass she HAS had some of it. So mark the Drinks water square. And now she mentions a reporter by name, so mark that square too! She s a high-value Covid briefing bingo briefer!So, here we are again. Back to (semi-)regular briefings, and back to mid-March infection levels, or even surpassing them. What the HELL, people? This is your fault. Yes. Yes, it is.Dr. Williams says contact tracing is more difficult because people have 50-100 close contacts within the past week. I don t understand that. Why would you have that kind of thing. What don t you understand about our messaging? Laura Stone (@l_stone) October 8, 2020To be honest, I have 14 first cousins, all of whom live in Ontario, my family has been here for in excess of two hundred years, and I graduated from high school here, and I can t think of 100 Ontarians I d care to be in close contact with. My contact list is: the dog and The Roommate. And I don t get too close to The Roommate.Here s our briefing video for today, and the action starts at the seven-minute mark. If you re impatient like The Roommate and just want to get to the PM, that s 30 minutes in. The rest of the time he just hangs around being an extra. Immediately we have action on the on location and extras boxes. And the Maple Leaf Accessory box, and blue suit as well. Oooh, they have fancy mats, not just gaffer tape X s, to mark their, uh, marks. Snufalupagus? Well, you were probably close to the actual name. Even Doug Ford screwed up. And he got Dias wrong, and that takes some doing. Got to say, I m always thrilled when an actual federal politician s French is worse than mine. I d get that French passport I m always talking about, only I m terrified they ll speak to me in French and I ll look like a dolt. Also must say I m glad I don t do these for Doug Ford, because I d get tired of typing the word Ontario three times every sentence. Kind of interesting that they re using the Prime Minister basically as a prop in most of this briefing. And there goes the sound again. Again. Again. Again. Oh, and there s your Doug Ford Bromance square. I put that in, right?$295 million from the federal government, and $295 million from the provincial government to Ford. Gee, wish I owned Ford. Whatever happened to Ballard? Oh, right: Tesla killed them. Am rather surprised that, with the federal government s focus on standardization, they haven t mandated official federal government masks complete with maple leaf and poppy for November. But there s still time.And there s the App square! I knew it would be there. And Contact Tracing in spades!And you can tick off your gesticulates square but not your drinks water square unless I missed something. Let me know.Uh, my website is offline? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, what s going on? It s @wordpressdotcom, that simply shouldn t be possible. And I doubt #BriefingBingo is THAT popular. That said hate clicks are clicks. Click away.In the questions from media: Nice zinger there to Ford, who eliminated government supports for electric cars. Today, of course, is all about announcing Ford Automotive in Ontario pivoting to make electric cars. Trudeau took that hit for Ford (technical difficulties) Mark off your technical difficulties square. Okay, there we go. Shades the US when Trudeau says he did not watch the American debates. I don t comment or weigh in on American political processes and says he wants a clean transition . Hmmm. Hummmm. Errybody knows who Trudeau wants to win that shitshow. Softball about the bromance between Ford and Trudeau, a great opportunity for Neoliberal centralism and commonality. Except they re both talking at the same time. Trudeau gets the mic over his Tory best bud, of course, because Ottawa Etobicoke. But Ford AGAIN uh, fails to disappoint me as much as I had anticipated. *shudders* don t make me say that twice. Not where anyone can hear.And Technical issues are certainly a square, so tick that one off. PM admitting there were issues, but we got through it anyway. Spinning straw into metaphors is a big part of the job. And that s a wrap. See you next whenever, or possibly several hours after the next whenever if I sleep in again. So, here we are once again. This time I ve got an excellent excuse for not having live-blogged this when it happened: I was down with the flu. Well, according to the test I had on the 18th it s not THE flu. It s A flu. I wouldn t mind, but after two and a half straight weeks of fever, I haven t lost an ounce of weight. I DEMAND TO WASTE AWAY, but only to an aesthetically pleasing extent, of course. We may be radical antifa communal anarchists around these parts, but we are not EXTREMISTS, you understand. All settled in your gaming chair with your gaming socks on and your gaming beverage to hand? Lucky underwear on, or at least nearby? Excellent. Let s begin.The video is from September 23rd, uploaded the next day on Justin Trudeau s YouTube channel. And like with all these pre-recorded statements, we cannot see the shoes to see if he s done the dreaded brown shoes with blue or grey suit , and we cannot see if he s wearing colourful socks either. Alas!So, off the bat we ve got begins in English and Blue suit . And CBC cadence , always worse in a controlled environment without a live audience.If you really wanna speak directly to Canadians, maybe have your team put the camera where you re looking? Or look at your team s camera? Or put the camera ON TOP of CPAC s? Becayse we know that s who you re looking at. Does a bank of flags count as a Maple Leaf Accessory? I m gonna say yes. Tick that box. Flags, as always, folded to show exactly the same portion of the maple leaf. I should probably add a square in the next card for flag derangement only that d get some poor working person in trouble for inadvertent flag anarchy, and we couldn t do that to a comrade.On the next card I m gonna put Second wave and Third Wave and Building Back Better for sure. And, hell, Donc. I fuckin love that word. Okay, that mention of Christmas is Gives shout-out to religious festival so tick that box.God damn, I m so punchy I forgot I was supposed to be putting this on the damn blog. I ll copypaste later. And now, here I am doing exactly that. Did you feel the timeshift? Did you?I think we had a Now, more than ever in there. So mark that square on the second generation card. and there s Mentions contact tracing from the Third Generation card. App definitely has to be on the next card.Dude, I would go get my flu shot, if I COULD EVER GET OVER THIS DAMN FLU! Stop nagging me!And that s Name-checks Dr. Theresa Tam, so mark that square on the first generation card.And now you can all tick off My aunt calls during the briefing . There is literally NO hour of the day or night when this square could not be in play.Indoor briefings have a lot less suspense. No possibility of cottonwood fluff, live animals or insects, photobombs, windswept hair, or porchscaping. I think we ve seen the last of Rideau Cottage on these, for security reasons. Too bad, I like pretty houses and good outerwear.There s PPE from the second generation card. And what is that THING that looks like a jade lion with a maple leaf inside it? Is it a jade lion with a maple leaf inside it? Soapstone Great Old One? Marble maple gryphon? Does it have a name? Enquiring minds want to know!And ramping up from the second generation card. Okay, that s Gesticulates which I didn t think we d get this time. He s much more subdued and less spontaneous without a live audience and/or members of the press right there shaking their heads and holding up flashcards that say WE SCANDAL . Dang, there s Building back better which I haven t yet put on a card. Gotta get that done. Even Payette said it in the Throne Speech. It is the From coast, to coast, to coast of September 2020.Okay, that verbal malfunction Home/Hold counts as Throat malfunction on the third square just because I m feeling generous today. And bored. And punchy. That s what happens when you ve been up 36 hours straight.National early childhood education and childcare, national pharmacare, social supports at a living rate across the country right through to next summer, man, the NDP should sue him for plagiarism. Not that I m complaining. As a wise man once said, I don t mind the Honourable Member stealing my pajamas, but he should wear ALL of them if he does not intend to look indecent. And, that s a wrap. I really liked the address to the UN so I may do that one tomorrow. We ll see. I may just sleep through tomorrow. Yes, we are still doing this. It s March the 204th of 2020 and here we are: live-tweeting and live-blogging a week-old video as if it were new because FUCK EVERYTHING THAT S WHY.Also, I m sick, so it s even more boring to live through a pandemic when you have a debilitating, uncomfortable, but relatively banal and unfatal seasonal flu. So I m in what you might characterize as either No Mood or A Mood, depending on your regional dialect and idioms. So, there s that.Here is our video, helpfully titled by CPAC as PM Trudeau on throne speech, election speculation, Covid-19 aid for provinces September 16, 2020. Great job hitting all those keywords, guys!Okay, there s your Begins in English and Blue Suit squares checked. Didn t see the shoes but smart money says yes, brown shoes. *shudders*Didn t see it because CPAC edits with a chainsaw, but you can bet the Maple Leaf Accessory was in play with the usual mask. Did you realize that the Canadian flags are always draped to show the same precise segment of the Maple Leaf and that is someone s actual JOB and I kind of love that.That s your CBC Cadence square ticked, and we re a grand total of 17 seconds into the speech.We ve also got Extras in the background from the 3rd Generation bingo card. Very fancy extras including the Deputy PM. And that s shifts responsibility to provinces . I should make a square for every time he announces another new way to give Canadians money. WTH is going on off-camera on the right? Something very interesting, apparently. How can you have a Cabinet retreat in Ottawa when Ottawa is where Cabinet meets? Did they all just stroll over to the Lord Elgin and play dopey teambuilding games in a board room or something?WHOA HE JUST SAID THE WORD SOLIDARITY . What was I just saying about Canadians being Socialist, @Guerrilha_Grodd? Oh, got the namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam square a while ago, forgot to call that one out. That congratulations on the US caving to Canadian demands about its aluminum tariffs is definitely a Shades the US square, so mark that one off. This is a busy briefing. Canada is a passive-aggressive nation, truly. These are My People.There s your traditional Drinks water as always in the pause between the speech and taking questions from the press. Dammit, I should have created a square for Twinkleface. I just love that word, donc. I love it. Who knows why? It s like punctuation, only verbal. WTF? I didn t have a square for Building back better? And me the world s #1 alliteration fan. I am ashamed, people. I have failed you. There s your Gesticulates square but it was pretty weak. Normally he s gesticulating away, particularly when he speaks French, but today was all the Concerned Priest Hand Clasp Pose.If I were the Deputy PM and Finance Minister, or an Ambassador, or any other Minister, I d be pretty pissed off to have to stand there silent for a full hour just to be background dressing for the Prime Minister. They must all have better things to do, surely. Well, the question about the election got the arms flailing like a KitchenAid mixer. I sense the man might be somewhat emotionally invested in the question.Freeland s French is way better than I thought. Way better than mine, for sure. Did did they have Chrystia Freeland the Deputy Prime Minister stand on a box the whole time so she d be in the shot? Yes, readers. Yes, they did. Justin Trudeau Because it s 2015. But for how long? Who among us can say (not even the esteemed Dr. Theresa Tam knows, nor the revered Dr. Bonnie Henry. Surely not your humble blog host). Now that the daily briefing has become the Once In Awhile briefing, there seems to be less and less point to creating new bingo cards; on the other hand, there is more and more boredom.So, here we are.Almost two months ago we launched the Canuckian version of Briefing Bingo, alongside pre-existing British and American games, taking our rightful place on the world stage. We dunno what s up with the other two countries in Five Eyes, but maybe their retired journalists have better things to do with their time?God knows I don t.Almost a month after the media frenzy (not really, although the NaPo did give me a very polite rejection email) of our initial launch, we followed up with the Second Generation Briefing Bingo card, featuring the square that would be near and dear to my departed mother s heart, had she not departed this Earth back when Prime Minister Zoolander was still at school. I refer, of course, to the Wears brown shoes with blue or grey suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG square.To date we have filled exactly ONE row, the second row from the top in the first generation card. But do play our Daily-Briefing-Bingo-3rd Generation, either with or without previous editions, because if we can just coax him into saying the words Attack and dethrone god on-camera, it will all have been worth it.Tune in now and then at roughly 10ish-11ish some mornings, follow along live on Twitter with the hashtag #BriefingBingo, or just check this site once a day for the roundup of each day s bingo calls in the comments section. And if we miss something, an accidental photobomb, an insect, or a muttered attack and dethrone god , by all means hit us up in the comments; thanks to CPAC, we can always review and amend.Don t keep it to yourself!Click to share on Fark me! (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tweet (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)Like this:Like Loading... Scour the depths of raincoaster s abode Search random raincoaster Click on the linkie to get a random raincoaster post. Don't say you were not warned! the latest from the diseased brain of raincoaster Son of Under the Planet of Covid Briefing Bingo And now, time for bed. Hoping to wake up before noon tomorrow, for a change. 3hoursago

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