The Holy Grail Press

Time 2021-10-16 10:02:35

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Doing Absolutely Nothing For Almost 40 Years.

TheHoly GrailPress is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry. And let's face it: No one publishes poetry. So in the end, were left with a lot of free time.

Word of the Every So Often

October 15, 2021

shill: (noun) an accomplice of a swindler, hawker, or gambler who acts like an enthusiastic customer to entice others. On the city bus from the base to downtown, there was always a shill along with the guy who was playing three card monte.

What's New at the Press

...What's Oldat the Press

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

That Joke

Many years ago, at the first school I ever taught at, I carpooled with two other teachers, a man and a woman call them Gary and and Miss Corbell, both my age young, novice teachers. And we mostly Gary and I would tell jokes on occasion. So one day I told what I still consider to be one of the funniest jokes ever the Sonofabitch Fish joke.

Two elderly priests were fishing, enjoying a peaceful day by an isolated lake. After a bit, one of the priests call him Father John pulled in a fish and exclaimed, What a magnificent sonofabitch! The other priest call him Father Tom was taken aback by Father John's language, but he said nothing. Pretty soon, Father John pulled in another fish, this one even bigger than the first, and he exclaimed, Aye! Another big sonofabitch! And so Father Tom said to Father John (imagine a strong Irish accent), Aye, Father John, though we may be far removed from the ears of man, we are never removed from the ears of God, and God finds such language offensive. To which Father John replied, Aye, Father Tom, think not that I would ever use such language unfounded, for I would never choose to offend the Lord. But that is what the fish is called. That is its given name. It is a Sonofabitch Fish. Father Tom was somewhat doubtful, but he kept his tongue. When they got back to the church, Father Tom looked it up, and sure enough, the fish was really called a Sonofabitch Fish. To say the least, he was relieved that Father John had not been cursing, and disappointed in himself for ever having doubted the good Father.

That night they had those fish for supper. At that meal, fresh out of seminary, was a brand new priest. It was the first time he had ever broken bread with either Father Tom or Father John. Understandably, he was a bit nervous. After the Blessing, Father Tom took a bite of his fish and exclaimed, That is one delicious Sonofabitch! And then Father John, after taking a bite, replied, Aye! That is the best Sonofabitch I've ever eaten. To which the new priest said, You know, I think I'm going to like working with you motherfuckers.

Gary, who was driving, laughed so hard I feared we might not stay on the road. Miss Corbell was offended. Not just a little offended, but whole-heartedly offended. And she told me so in no short order, and, further, that I was never to tell such inappropriate jokes in her presence ever again. Because it was just not funny!

I apologized, but mostly, I wrote her off as being a humourless prude.

I only worked at that school for a year, and after the Sonofabitch Fish joke, I rarely carpooled with Miss Corbell again. And I sure as heck didn't tell her anymore jokes. But that joke followed me for the rest of my career. At almost every school I ever worked at, there was invariably somebody who would realize that I was the one who had told that joke. Educators I met at seminars, people I didn't even work with and had never met before, knew about the joke. In more than one interview I had to talk my way out of telling that joke I had to sooth the interviewing principal or superintendent's fears that I would behave appropriately as a teacher. That joke could very well be why I didn't get hired at any number of districts. Had I not told that joke, my career could've and probably would've taken a very different path. One joke.

Looking back on it all, if I had the chance to go back and not tell that joke, I'm fairly certain that I wouldnt change a goddamned thing.

A Priest and a Rabbi had been fishing together for years. One day, they invited the town's Baptist minister along. They were sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake, all patiently waiting with their lines in the water, bobbers gently rocking, when the Rabbi says, I think I'll go back to the car and get some more coffee. So he gets out of the boat, walks across the water, gets the coffee, and returns, once again walking on water. The Rabbi doesn't say a thing. He doesn't even look up. It was as if nothing unusual had happened. The minister, understandably, was freaked. But he kept his composure. Pretty soon, the Priest says, I don't know about you boys, but I'm ready for a sandwich. And then he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and returned with the sandwiches, once again walking on water. The minister is really freaking out now. A Catholic and Jew has just walked on water. The fate of the entire Protestant faith may very well be in his hands. There was nothing to it. He had to walk on the water, too. So he says, I just realized I forgot my favourite lure. After which he stepped out of the boat, and Whoosh! he goes under. As the minister was splashing about in the lake, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and said, Do you think we ought to tell the fool where the stumps are?

9:59 am pdt

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Bull Sheet

12:02 pm pdt

Monday, October 11, 2021

And Now a Word from the Reverend Bidwell:

Remember, brethren, Jesus loves you. But that doesn't mean he likes you.

9:15 am pdt

Friday, October 8, 2021

Douglas Bennett's statue of Columbus on the Seattle Waterfront

Columbus Day

In a country where we carved a monument to four of our presidents (two of whom owned enslaved humans) on a mountain in the middle of what many Native Americans consider their most sacred ground, it really shouldnt surprise anybody that we still celebrate Columbus Day.

We all know the story of Columbus. After all, he discovered America! Never mind the millions of people who were already living throughout North and South America and the Caribbean. Never mind that the Vikings had been here on numerous occasions and even had established outposts in the New World. (Columbus Day in the United States) And never mind that there is fairly conclusive evidence that the North and South American continents had been reached by both Chinese explorers (Kolesnikov-Jessop) and quite possibly even Polynesian explorers. (Jones) Its Columbus whom we give the credit to! And why not? After all, it is his Discovery that led to the European conquest of the New World.

In actuality, Columbus discovered very little of the New World. Instead of being seen as an intrepid explorer, he should probably be seen more as a hapless navigator [who] misjudged the circumference of the Earth and landed instead on the Bahamas. He later sailed on to Cuba and to Hispaniola (now Haiti), which he mistakenly believed to be the East Indies, (Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy) but he never got as far as mainland America. (Columbus Day in the United States)

Those places that Columbus actually made it to, as well as those he left for others to discover, were not barren lands devoid of human life. It is estimated that there were between 90-112 million people living in the Americas prior to Columbus arrival. Thats more than the entire European population at the time. (Dangl) But not for long.

Columbus almost immediately forced the natives into slavery, and he reportedly imposed barbaric forms of punishment, including torture on those who resisted. (Columbus Day) Indeed, on his very first day in the New World it is reported that Columbus used violent force to enslave six natives. And, While ruling as Governor and Viceroy of the Caribbean, Columbus killed [and then] paraded dead natives through the streets to deter unrest by the natives. Columbus also used force to make native peoples search for gold and to convert them to Christianity. (Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy)

And this is consistent with Columbus. Before he became an explorer, he was in the business of transporting people from West Africa to Portugal to be sold as slaves. Indeed, Columbus has the distinction of being the first person to bring slaves to the New World. (Transform Columbus Day 2011) As well, Columbus was the first to bring slaves from the New World back to Europe, shipping off thousands of peaceful Taino 'Indians' from the island of Hispaniola to be sold into Spanish slavery. (Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy)

But then, in all fairness, Columbus didnt come to the Americas to celebrate diversity. Gold and conquest were the driving reasons behind the historic voyage. (Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy) That the native population was dying off in droves seemed to matter little to the Europeans.

By far the biggest killer was the diseases that the Europeans brought, such as smallpox and influenza, which would likely have traveled much faster than the European settlers themselves. (Than) For instance, it is estimated that 90% of those native people living in coastal New England died from Hepatitis A within three years, and, overall, Within [the] first years of European contact, 95% of native populations died. (Dangl) Thats between 85 million and 106 million people who died as a direct result of European contact as a direct result of Columbus.

And this is consistent with studies published by the National Geographic Society. Research based on genetic studies shows that within just a few years of Columbus arrival in the New World the indigenous population reached an all-time low, which was caused by a wave of disease, warfare, and enslavement in the New World that had devastating effects for indigenous populations across the Americas. (Than)

If we give Columbus credit for discovering America, then perhaps we should give him credit for the genocide of upwards to 100 million people. If so, he is probably the biggest mass murderer of all time... hands down. What a guy! In all fairness, Columbus is an historical figure that represents perhaps the worst in all of us. But why do we celebrate such a figure? For that, we give credit to the Italian-American community.

The first official celebration of Columbus Day in the United States was in 1792, whenNew York's Columbian Orderbetter known as Tammany Hallheld an event to commemorate the historic landing's 300th anniversary. (Columbus Day) One hundred years later, In 1892, PresidentBenjamin Harrisonissued a proclamation encouraging Americans to mark the 400th anniversary of Columbus' voyage.... (Columbus Day) It was in 1937 that Columbus Day was declared a national holiday by President Franklin D. Roosevelt, (Columbus Day in the United States) largely as a result of intense lobbying by the Knights of Columbus, an influential Catholic fraternal benefits organization. (Columbus Day) Not content with just a national holiday, in 1971 President Nixon declared Columbus Day to be a Federal Holiday, meaning that federal employees, among others, now get the day off. (Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy) It was also in 1971 that Columbus Day moved from being observed on the traditional day of October 12 to the second Monday in October. (Columbus Day in the United States) Columbus Day continues to be celebrated across the United States through various events, such as parades and even special church services. Although, Most celebrations are concentrated around the Italian-American community, especially in San Francisco and New York. (Columbus Day in the United States)

Columbus Day is, understandably, not without opposition, which ...dates back to the 19th century, when anti-immigrant groups in theUnited States rejected the holiday because of its association with Catholicism. More recently, Columbus Day has been opposed by Native Americans, who see it as ...an event that indirectly resulted in the colonization of the Americas and the death of millions. (Columbus Day) The result of this opposition is that many communities across the United States, and even entire states, have stopped celebrating Columbus Day. For instance, Columbus Day is no longer a public holiday in California, Nevada and Hawaii. (Columbus Day in the United States) InHawaii it has become Discoverer's Day, which commemorates the arrival of Polynesian settlers, (Columbus Day) in South Dakota, Columbus Day is now known as Native Americans Day, and in Berkeley, California, it is known as Indigenous Peoples Day. As well, Columbus Day is known as Da de la Raza (Day of the Race) in many Latino communities, both in the United States and throughout Latin America, and since 2002 it has become Da de la Resistencia Indgena (Day of Indigenous Resistance) in Venezuela. (Columbus Day in the United States)

Columbus Day, regardless of what you call it, will be observed in 2021 on Monday, October 11^th, which means that for this year, the Federal Holiday and the actual holiday are on the same day, and that means you can only celebrate it once.

Work Cited

Columbus Day. 2012. History.com. 02 Oct. 2012. http://www.history.com/topics/columbus-day

Columbus Day: Celebration and Controversy. 12. Oct. 2009. Education Insider. 02 Oct. 2012. http://education-portal.com/articles/Columbus_Day_Celebration_and_Controversy.html

Columbus Day in the United States. 2012. timeandate. com. 02 Oct. 2012. http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/us/columbus-day

Dangl, Benjamin. 1491: The Truth About the Americas Before Columbus. 10 June 2006. Upside Down World. 02 Oct. 2012. http://upsidedownworld.org/main/international-archives-60/320-1491-the-truth-about-the-americas-before-columbus

Jones, Terry. Abstract: Polynesian Contacts with the New World. 2012. Archeological Institute of America. 02 Oct. 2012. http://www.archaeological.org/lectures/abstracts/5824

Kolesnikov-Jessop, Sonia. Did Chinese Beat Out Columbus? 25 June 2005. The New York Times. 02 Oct. 2012. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/24/arts/24iht-chinam.html?pagewanted=all_r=0

Than, Ker. Massive Population Drop Found for Native Americans, DNA Shows: Genetic data supports accounts of decline following European contact. 05 Dec. 2011. National Geographic. 02 Oct. 2012. http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/12/111205-native-americans-europeans-population-dna-genetics-science/

Transform Columbus Day 2011. 2011. Transform Columbus Day Alliance. 02 Oct. 2012. http://www.transformcolumbusday.org/

11:07 am pdt

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Thought for the Time Being

Anybody who says anything is more important than money already has money.

9:58 am pdt

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